One Day ... Soon I Hope

Someday I know I will look back on these blogs I've written and be amazed at how things have changed. At the moment, the stress level is EXTREME. The pressure of just living each day out, with all of the demands on my time, energy and finances. My ability to focus AND be productive is inhibited by it. My ability to control my emotions is inhibited. And, my faith is being pushed to its limit. I feel fear. It seems as if bad news, which I translate into "spiritual attacks" come at me from every direction. I can't find relief, try as I do.

I know God, that He is with me, He is for me, He loves me and that should comfort me, but like the Psalmist, my heart is not comforted.

In Ps. 77 Asaph writes, "I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. You don't let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray! I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion? And I said, "This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.? ... BUT, then I recall all you have done, O Lord, I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago."

I have no choice but to persist in prayer. To continue in my earnest pursuit of his presence, in his presence I know I will find his help, his power. I have no choice but to stand on his covenant word and promise to me. In this present darkness, I will sing of your glory and kingdom.Under this heavy weight of life that is upon me, I will depend on you alone. I have no choice because I made my choice already and that choice is to follow you alone.